Rebuild a song

Hi, I have got a song which I m not satisfied with and send over to a guy who created a new version but it doesn’t kick me. Maybe is the lyrics or the way how it sounds. I m not English native and I m from Italy. Can you help?

Additional info:
I don't have a hard deadline for this. I need someone to help with the entire song-making process - writing, arrangement, creating background music/beat, other instrumentation, mixing and mastering. . The song has somewhere between 10 and 30 tracks recorded that need mixing. I don't need the song mastered. I'm interested in working with a very experienced mixer.